back to work, stay at home, or work from home? how to choose the best option after having a baby

introduction

Deciding whether to return to work, stay home, or work from home after having a baby is one of the biggest choices new moms face. We millennial moms are redefining motherhood, seeking balance between career, financial stability, and family life. We want flexibility that fits into our new life. Here’s a breakdown of the pros and cons of each option to help you decide what’s best for your family.

going back to work

pros:

Financial Stability & Career Growth – Maintaining a steady income and progressing in your career can provide long-term financial security for your family. This can mean more money in your pocket in the short-term, the ability to invest in 401K retirement plans and 529 plans for your children, and having mildly less stress about finances. If you have student loan, credit card, loan, or medical debt, you can pay this off with more ease and less strain.
Personal Fulfillment & Identity – Some moms find joy and purpose in their careers, which helps maintain their sense of self beyond motherhood. In my own experience, I’ve been more confident in my overall abilities knowing that I’m good at something outside of the home. Raising children, especially toddlers/preschoolers for the first time, can have you questioning your worth, self-esteem, and your value!
Social Interaction & Support – Being in a professional environment provides adult interaction, networking opportunities, and mental stimulation. However this will look a bit different after you return to work as a mom. I found it MUCH easier to be managed by a manager who has children and a family, particularly a female manager, because they can empathize much easier. In one of my past roles, I was reporting into a manager In one of my past roles, I was reporting into a manager that was a present father; his wife stayed at home with the kids while he worked late and expected everyone else to follow. He was a parent but a little out of touch.

cons:

High Childcare Costs – Daycare, nannies, or babysitters can be expensive, sometimes making work financially less viable. Some daycares are on a sliding scale where the older the child is, the cheaper the care becomes. In NYC and other cities/states,, they offer free 3K and you only have to pay for extended care. The rates in the outer boroughs for an infant was $429 a month in 2024, and that goes up every year. In Manhattan you can expect to pay more. Daycares are cheaper than nannies unless you do a nanny share. Nannies can run upwards of $30 an hour for someone who is experienced with children. I have a LOT to say on this topic in my post “Daycare, Nanny, or Family? How to Choose the Best Childcare for Your Family”
Less Time with Baby – Long hours away means missing milestones, bedtime routines, and daily bonding moments. This is a sad truth of daycare – when you return from work or you check the parent app of photos throughout the day, you will see your baby smiling, eating, standing, walking, and they’ll be SO excited to tell you about it which is lovely. There’s a lot that you won’t see firsthand, and because your baby would be there during working hours, chances are they are spending more time with your baby than you are. Your baby knows who mommy is and it’s not them; they won’t replace you. But they will see and know your baby just as well as you do, or even better in some cases.
Work-Life Balance Challenges – Juggling deadlines, household responsibilities, and parenting can be exhausting and overwhelming. Chances are you and your spouse both work, and the household responsibilities and doctors appointments tend to lean toward the mom. My husband cooks and cleans as well, you should find a partner who can support you in that. If you can afford it, pay for help in these areas. Grocery delivery, house cleaner, meal preps, and so on. I have a few suggestions in my post, “7 Powerful Ways to Optimize Your Daily Routine for Stress-Free Parenting”.

Another consideration is the general flow of the day. If you’re working and you have to bring your kids to school/daycare, this means getting you and them ready, packing and labeling all of their bottles, prepping their food and snacks, and getting them out of the door to drop them off on time so you aren’t late for work. I do this now and I run around like a chicken with no head no matter how early I wake up – I need 90 minutes if I want to start the day without rushing. It’s a crazy way to start the day!

best for moms who:

Enjoy their careers and want to continue professional growth.
Need a dual-income household to maintain financial stability.
Have access to reliable childcare and a support system.

staying at home

pros:

More Time with Baby – You’ll be present for all the little moments, from first steps to daily snuggles. You may have help from friends and family, but the bond that you build with your baby will be one of a kind. If you only have one baby, you’ll be able to still enjoy alone time, nap, and catch up on household tasks while the baby naps.
Savings on Childcare – Eliminating daycare costs can significantly reduce household expenses. Childcare at this stage is about $1k per week with 3 kids, and this is after I moved into the suburbs out of the city limits. If you can afford to stay home, do it. There’s also no need to rush out of the house; you can move at your own pace.
Flexible Schedule & Family Prioritization – Your time is centered around your child’s needs without the constraints of a job. Your schedule can be pretty fluid and is up to you and what you want you and your family to accomplish. This can include library dates, trips to the museum, play dates, nature classes, and so on. Some museums and zoos offer free days to visit. Our library also offers free tickets to attractions like museums if you are a member.

cons:

Financial Strain – Losing a second income can impact long-term financial goals, savings, and retirement plans. This is something that you ideally consider prior to having a child. You could be in a situation where you are the breadwinner, not your husband, and maybe he doesn’t foresee being a SAHD. If you dream to become a SAHM, how can you make that a reality? An emergency fund, side hustle, or passive income is a good idea to build up in the background as a cushion.
Feelings of Isolation & Burnout – The lack of adult interaction and the constant demands of childcare can be emotionally draining. This is an important point – one of my childhood best friends was a SAHM with her 2 kids and she felt lonely and misunderstood. Her peers (including me) hadn’t had kids yet and I couldn’t relate. When she finally had adult connection it was almost like she didn’t know how to talk to adults! (Her words, not mine). Consider joining a new mom group. If you have a coworker or friend that is also pregnant at the same time as you, you’ll have a lot to talk about and can support one another. In my church they had a mom’s Bible study every week and it helped me feel connected and seen. Find a community of people who can support you.
Career Sacrifices – Taking a break from work may make it harder to re-enter the workforce later. This is becoming less stigmatized in the present day thankfully. You may be in a well-paying or senior position now, and may not want to become entry level upon your return. The job may not even be there to return to. One thing to consider is, jobs will always be around, but the ages your kids are now will not be. If you decide to step away from work to spend time with your children, there’s nothing wrong with that. In fact, there’s a lot of literature about transferable parenting skills into the workplace such as multitasking, efficiency, conflict management, negotiation, and planning. Use these to your advantage! When you are ready to return to work, you can hire a resume writer to fine tune your skills and to explain your career pause in the best way.

best for moms who:

Can afford to live on one income or are willing to adjust their budget.
Want to be the primary caregiver during the early years.
Are comfortable with a slower-paced career or re-entering the workforce later.

working from home

pros:

Work-Life Balance & Flexibility – You can be present for your child while still earning an income. If you ever want to give this a test run, try taking care of your child while you have to work when they are off from school or when you’re acclimating back to work. Depending on the age and phase, this can be extremely tough. Your job may not offer the flexibility of having a child in the background. You can ask for support from your parents/in-laws if they are willing to babysit while you work from home.
No Commute = More Family Time – Eliminating travel time allows for better time management and work efficiency. Remember what I mentioned earlier about having to get you and the kids ready? This is no longer an issue. You can get up, make breakfast for you all, and start your day. If your job is flexible, you can work some hours in the morning when everyone is asleep, work during naptime, and work after they’ve gone to bed. You could seek some help out only for the meetings that you have throughout the day, or try to hold them during naptime. There are some newer concept “workplayce” offerings where you can bring your child to a play place or a daycare that’s connected to rental offices or work spaces. That’s the best of both worlds!
Opportunity for Career Independence – Remote work, freelancing, or starting your own business gives you autonomy over your career path. Working for “the man” does have its drawbacks. This may be the time to be your own boss and start fostering some of your talents and hidden skills that could make you money.

cons:

Juggling Work & Parenting is Hard – Trying to focus on work while managing a baby or toddler can be chaotic. I’ve had to host meetings while my toddler is sick, interrupting asking for things, or they were napping and woke up during a meeting. This has caused me a lot of anxiety and how I discovered it’s not for me. With the more kids you have that are young in age, it’s less feasible.
Blurring of Work & Home Life – It can be difficult to separate work from family time, leading to burnout. That pile of dishes or laundry is staring at you in the face on your lunch break, your baby needs to be put down for a nap, and you have a meeting in an hour. Can any or all of the stars align to complete these tasks? It’s a hard balance and I’ve been there too many times. It’s not for the faint of heart.
Possible Lack of Excellence – They say when you take on too much, you can’t give 100% of yourself to everything you are trying to accomplish. Working from home and raising your children is basically fusing 2 full time jobs together and expecting you to be even 80% at both. The stress it can cause can affect your mood and how you react to your children. I’ve broken down a few times when my kids were sick on my busy work days, and I had to find a way to do both and ask for empathy, or to cancel the meetings I had for the day. If you can’t do both in a good way, don’t force yourself. Prioritize what you must at work or delegate, and attend to your baby who needs you the most.

best for moms who:

Have a job that allows for remote work or are open to freelancing/entrepreneurship.
Can manage time effectively and set work-life boundaries.
Want to earn an income while spending time with their child.

final thoughts: there’s no one-size-fits-all answer

Every mom’s situation is unique—your decision should align with your family’s financial, emotional, and lifestyle needs. What works today might not work in a few years, and that’s okay! You can revisit the options with your spouse/partner and decide what works for you for each school year or for each big life event. No matter what path you choose, give yourself grace—you’re doing what’s best for your family.

what’s your experience?

Are you a working mom, stay-at-home mom, or work-from-home mom? Which decision did you make, and what are your productivity hacks? Share your journey in the comments!

With love,
D